So Much For Good Intentions
So… Weeks have passed since my last post. So much for good intentions.
You see, I began “A Book Thing” as a way to stay on track, to write every day, to have the freedom and space to write whatever came to mind. For so long I’ve struggled facing any ‘regular’ responsibilities. The world turns, and changes, and my moods swing on an erratic pendulum of ups and downs.
That is what it is to be Bipolar. But even my Bipolar isn’t an excuse. It can be a cop out, but three weeks? I’m starting to come back up from a VERY BAD week. It has been several months since I’ve had a low like this one. But it has only been a week, it doesn’t explain the two blogless weeks before this last one.
I swing from one priority to another, lack of focus, lack of direction, just pulling myself through the motions of each day. When I have a low like I did this week I don’t even get through ALL of the motions, I get through ‘enough’ and that is all I can force myself to accomplish. I don’t have the spoons to do more.
I’m staring at the clock. It is past midnight, again, and again I can’t sleep. Anxiety pools in my belly at the idea of closing my eyes. Of giving up to the night. And I know, not sleeping makes it worse.
At least I am writing. Writing is always a step out of the darkness. I’ll write again later, and again after that. It is time to come back out of the shadows and walk up each spiraling step back into the sunlight.